FRIENDS ONLY

nikki, 30 (I'm grown now!), semi-procrastinator, loves jesus, learning to love self, artistic, very silly, serious about school, cartoon fiend, former wallflower, bookmaker, knitter, homebody, loves jeff goldblum more than you, music is my life, movies are my escape, books are my passion, cat person.

My 101 list



Family & Friends
001. Visit my aunt once a month. [0/33]
002. Send out birthday cards on time.
003. Spend time with Nana.
004. Call my friends once a week.
005. Remove ‘friends’ from my life.

Finances
006. Stick to my monthly budget. [0/33]
007. Keep a finance notebook to track my spending.
008. Order take out once a month. [0/33]
009. Pay off 25% of my school loans.

Lifestyle Changes
010. Lose a min of 80 pounds in 2008.
011. Start my health journal. healthyjourneys
012. Start a handwritten Gratitude journal.
013. Create and stick to the five rules of my health journal for one month.
014. Find an accountability partner.
015. Walk one mile twice a week for 3 months... adding one day every two weeks up to 6 days. [0/60]

Spiritual Growth
016. Attend church every Sunday for 3 months. [0/13]
017. Attend church every Sunday for 6 months. [0/26]
018. Study the Bible a min of twice a week.
019. Pray/meditate a min. of twice a week.

Creativity/Hobbies
020. Learn Intarsia.
021. Knit my first sweater.
022. Take a bookbinding class with Bridget Bullen.
023. Buy a SLR manual camera.
025. Take photography classes at Project Basho.
026. Take a drawing class at the Fleisher Art Memorial Center.
027. Take a crochet class at The Tangled Web.
028. Make a photo album for my church.
029. Make a small accordion photo book for myself.
030. Buy a SLR digital camera.

Career/Education
031. Finish my Bachelor’s degree.
032. Find an entry level position 6 months after graduation.
033. Start Graduate school after working for 2 years.
034. Improve my grammar skills.
035. Learn one new word a month to improve my vocabulary.

Culture
036. Visit The Philadelphia Museum of Art.
037. Visit the Mutter Museum.
038. Visit the Morris Arboretum esp for the 2008 Fall festival.
039. See at least 2 plays in Philadelphia a year. [0/6]
040. See a Broadway show.
041. Visit MOMA in New York City.
042. Visit the African American Museum in Philly.

Health/Environment
043. Replace light bulbs with energy efficient bulbs.
044. Start Strength training once a week. Starting: April 2008.
045. Volunteer once a month at Wayne Hall. Starting: Fall 2008.
046. Visit the doctor at least once a month.

Dailies
047. Get some Neutrogena or something and take better care of my skin.
048. Do two things to clean/organize the house everyday.
049. Write down every single morsel of food that I eat every single day.
050. Write down at least 2 things I’m grateful for in my journal.
051. Write in my livejournal at lease twice a week.


Yay! Fun!!
052. Join the 50 movie challenge for 2008.
053. Go to the movies one a month. Review movies in my journal. [0/33]
054. Go to two concerts a year. [0/6]
055. Read 2 books a month in 2008. [0/66]
056. Join the 50 books challenge in 2009.
057. Join a Knit-Along in 2009.

Just Because I Wanna...
058. Beat Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.
059. Beat Kingdom Hearts 2.
060. Make a pair of earrings and a matching necklace/bracelet.
061. Rock some 3” and higher heels.
062. Get a manicure once a month.
063. Make an Aran Panel Blanket for my Grandmother.
064. Watch Battlestar Galactica.

Travel
065. Spend a weekend in NYC.
066. Visit my cousins in Arkansas.
067. Spend a weekend in Atlantic City.
068. Go to Memphis in 2009.
069. Go To Virginia Beach.
070. Go to Bahamas.


Face the Fear!
071. Sing Karaoke.
072. Speak in public.
073. Go dancing.
074. Write the cheesy novel length Mary Sue-esque Nsync fan fiction story that’s been in my head for 4 years!
075. Never EVER let it see the light of day.

ASAP !!
076. Create a filing system for my papers.
077. Clean bedroom thoroughly for Spring cleaning.
078. Work on resume.
079. Get glasses.
079. Get a new computer desk.

Home Improvement
080. Redecorate bedroom.
081. Redecorate small office.
082. Gets rugs cleaned.
083. Clean out basement.
084. New television for living room.
085. Restock kitchenware.

Never Say Never
086. Get a tattoo.
087. Meet Jeff Goldblum and get a hug.
088. Learn Spanish.
089. Visit London for a week.
090. Visit my Aunt in California.
091. Meet Dolly Parton!

So Doable!
092. Get a new wardrobe after 50 pounds.
093. Plan a big soirée for Nana’s 90th birthday complete with jugglers and big band.
094. Eat a full breakfast every morning.
095. Find a pen pal.
096. Organize and sort through my recipes.
097. Create a most wanted DVD list.
098. Relearn web design.
099. Learn Adobe Photoshop.
100. Create a new website.
101. Do one hour of volunteer work for every item not completed.

Check out Ken at 4:56. This boy is dancing! Go Ken. LOL

Love them I do!

I finally brought the first season Muppet Show. I hope they release Muppet Tonight because while it didn't last long, it was so funny. Just thinking about Pepe the Prawn makes me chuckle.

There is a big scandal at my church which originally started as one thing and then everything just fell like dominoes. Now we're burying one of the Mothers this Saturday. She just couldn't take the news. My mind has been scattered ever since. What kind of self-destructive crap do we get into as a result of not dealing with our mess? Drink too much? Overeat? What happens when it drifts over to something very disturbing? How do we get in so deep that we can't get out of it?

Better get yourself free.

Mom is sick again, she's been coughing and sneezing all over. I hate it when someone gets sick in this house because I feel a weird dichotomy of pity and fear. Pity, because I know how miserable that feeling is and all of the medicine in the world doesn’t make it go away fast enough. Fear, because I don’t want cooties! I just got over a cold and I don’t want another one.

Consecration begins today at noon so our entire church is fasting all day until 6pm. This is the second year, I didn’t participate last year. I’ve prayed and meditated on it because I need guidance. I think too much for a my own good and whenever I go my own way I always fall on my face. I can’t keep living by this ‘one bad apple’ approach to my faith. Yeah there are some crappy hypocrites in church but that’s true wherever you go. I’m not going to let people keep me from my purpose.

I kicked my healthy eating plan right in the nuts by eating a large pizza Saturday and then proceeded to seal the deal by drinking a 1-liter Mountain Dew and having some carrot cake. You gotta have dessert right? That means I’ve ordered out three times this month... 50 bucks total. Can you believe it? Twenty bucks here and fourteen dollars there really add up. Did I tithe? No. Do we have money to get to church? No. I ate it all up.

Month after freakin’ month man! I’ve got to stop this. I don’t know how though and the sad part is I sneak and do it like I’m 12 or something because I don’t want anyone to know what I’m eating or how much for that matter. I can say it here because I don't have to face that judging look people can give you. I hate that look... even though I’m done it to people before myself.

I can say that I won’t do it next month but I don’t know if that’s true. I prayed about it tonight and repented. I’m not going to dwell I’m going to try to do better. I have 13 months to be healthier and with fifty grand worth of school loans coming my way after graduation, I can’t afford to be held back by my large thighs. I need more energy, I don’t care if I’m smaller; I just want to feel better. Obviously, pizza, soda and cake are not helping with that but they help me feel better when I realize how much I need to lose, what I can’t do and all of the other little things I say to myself that drags me down.

Well this took a rather sour turn; let’s brighten it up with some movies!

Waitress, Stardust, The Host, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix reviews behind the cut.

( SPOILERS ABOUND )

Off to watch The Nanny.

Just a heads up to Austen fans,

The Complete Jane Austen is playing now on Masterpiece Theater (pbs.org) from now until April. There are new adaptations of Persuasion, Northanger Abbey, Mansfield Park and Sense and Sensibility along with fan favorite adaptations of Emma (Kate Beckinsale) and Pride and Prejudice (Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth). Persuasion kicked of the series last week.

Tonight it's Northanger Abbey at 9pm. Check PBS.org for local listings and to catch reruns.

I found a few songs that remind me so much of my childhood. I think my generation (the late 70s early 80s kids) had the last of the great singers of Rock or Soul music. No one has a great voice in soul music ,m the kind that came straight from church. And no one in rock has that fierce voice that can relay every emotion crystal clear. It's a shame really.

Now that I’ve finished channeling my mother...

I had a bad cold that started the week before and it’s just now clearing up. That put a damper on things and I didn’t post or do my walking like I planned. I did manage to get out of the house three times last week and I already feel a million times better. I’m going to head to the central library this week and check out a few books. I just finished reading The Wonder Spot. It started out great then near the end it made it feel sad really. I like it when the main character is an underdog but good grief, give the poor girl one break please? Give me some hope please!

I want the next book to come from Agatha Christie; I’m just in the mood for a whodunit and I watched a documentary about her on cable Saturday. Then I realized that there are a lot of books that I’ve heard of but that I never read for myself. Plus reading is a great way to improve my vocabulary. So I’ll start out with Murder on the Orient Express. I also want to get a book on grammar because I’m going to need all of the help I can get.


Off to watch The Host and Stardust.

I wanted to post this yesterday but I was really tired. I think I've had 10 hours sleep total in the past 3 days. Not good.

However! I got a lot done, I made this awesome lemon cake and Chinese chicken salad yesterday. I made the salad before but the cake was new. You take two cakes, poke them with a large fork and pour Lemon Jello over them evenly. While it sets up (3 hours), you mix 3 cups of Cool Whip and Jello lemon pudding together. Ice the cake and refrigerate for an hour. Yum. It's not that sweet and the cake is so moist. Yum. Nana loved it and she ate the cake before she even touched the salad.

Watchnight Service was so nice and I'm glad I went because I started not to go at all. The cabs were all backed up so I was going to order PPV and eat pizza. Thankfully one of the members let us pile up in her car and we got there. I kept trying to keep my emotions in check. I was on the verge of crying all night because I just felt so much excitement and hope. I felt like I was letting go of 2007 and as we prayed in the new year I felt like this year was the year that something significant was going to happen in my life.

I just made my weight loss journal. I still need to tweak it but I need to go eat lunch and start laundry.

This is really random but... lately I've just had this urge to get a coloring book and a 64 pack of Crayola crayons and go crazy!

I love being a Christian... until I have to interact with other Christians. What are you doing for God? Are you worshiping him or the Church? And why are you bothering me because I won't do it? I choose to listen to Him instead of following behind you. The shock! The horror!

Leave me alone, take your hypocrisy and prejudgments elsewhere. It's not wanted NOR is it needed here.

So my mom and I have been singing that song from the Old Navy commercials with those fugly sweaters. After seeing it play at least 5 times tonight I found out who it is...

Ingrid Michaelson



LOVE this! I listened to a few tracks on Itunes so I'm going to pick up her CD this weekend. I love her voice, she reminds me of Lisa Loeb by way of looks (it's not even the fact that she's wearing specs) and her voice reminds me of Feist just a tad.

The VMAs came and went tonight and I so was not even interested. And Britney was on! That's unheard of for me. I just don't like the current roster of popstars. At least the boy bands were fun... these people are boring.

I’m going to start my walking in a few hours. I’ve been sleeping all day which is not good but this is the last time. I need a schedule and since I have some time off until my next project I’m going to use that time for some self improvement. I want to get creative as well. I have some knitting projects to finish. I want to start bookbinding as well.


Finish Jen’s Baby Blanket - 9/14
Finish Pastor’s Scarf - 9/21
Reorganize Bedroom - 9/26
Dentist - 9/27
Down payment for glasses - 10/1
Mom’s Christmas present #1 - 10/1
My Winter scarf - 10/1
Get Nana’s Christmas present - 10/31

Spoon - The Underdog
cd: Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

Go get this right now!



More good stuff:

Two Loons For Tea - Nine Lucid Dreams
Colbie Caillat - Coco (future You Oughta Know artist)

My Father, as much as I love him, tends to generate chaos whenever he saunters back into my life. He's only been paroled for 2 months and the stress has drifted into our house. He drives me crazy! He's so gifted! I wish I had just an once of that man’s talent for art. Does he do anything with it? NO. He’s full of plans and doesn’t go about making it happen. Now I know where I got that little trait from. I spent most of my life pissed off at him but I think I was more angry with my mother. She turns into this subservient pod person whenever he’s around! He’s so misogynistic. It’s insane. He snaps his fingers and just expects her just come to his feet like a lapdog. I can’t stand to see her morph into this person I don’t know so when he comes over I just go upstairs.

They went shopping on Monday afternoon and afterward she told me he kept touching her, not affectionately but just letting every other male know that she was his woman. Why didn’t he just go in the market and PEE ALL OVER EVERYTHING. She told me that she felt like property. Then why are you still with him?! Why entertain that at all? Are you that desperate for affection that you’ll ‘take what you can get’? Why do women do that? Why stay with someone who doesn’t make you happy?

This just reminds me that I have no life. If I had said life I wouldn’t worry about what my parents are doing because I’d be out there living my life. Grr. So much frustration. Which reminds me...

I don’t get many comments but I have to know: How do I get my groove back?

I’ve been lucky enough to have been delivered from depression for 3 years now. Still, I’m in this kind of limbo because I’ve been delivered out of that hell but I haven’t moved on to anything... more. I’m still doing the same crap, staying in the house for weeks at a time and trying, and failing, at eating all of my troubles away. Even the simple things I used to enjoy doing like going out, reading and going to the movies just don’t excite me anymore. I don’t even like to read like I used to, I’ve only read 3 books so far this year... I used to read a book a week, it’s shameful (I had a life, I didn’t say it was an exciting life).

I do not like to leave the house. It hurts to put it out there like that but it’s the sad pathetic truth. It’s tiring for one thing, having to lug this huge frame on and off of the bus. And people, in general, are just so hateful that when I do go out I am very aware of the stares and I spend all of that time tensed, because I’m just waiting for the laughter or some kind of asshat comment. When I get home I’m so sore from locking my muscles. It’s just not worth it. I know I have to get out though. I freelance which pays the bills but it’s not enough, I need to get social. Interact. I make friends but I never follow through and I need to find out why so I can get over myself.

So anyone out there in limbo world or just came from limbo world? How’d you do it? Any advice? I could use some.

How do I get my groove back?

I’m starting my 50 books challenge way late, because my former depressed state made me hate books. So much so that I haven’t read a novel in almost 8 years. This is a big welcome back for me. I thought I’d start off easy.


1. Forever in Blue: The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood – Ann Brasheres

Okay so I loved the Sisterhood series. The girls really do speak to me and I find that I can identify with all four of them in some aspect. This fourth book however was a bit harder for me to read (meaning I read it in 8 hours instead of 5) .

( Girls take off their pants.. a lot! )

Recommended but read the first 3 before this one.


2. Twilight – Stephenie Meyer

17-year old Bella meets and falls in love with the beautiful Edward Cullen – a vampire. I really loved this book except for two things, I don’t care for Bella too much and I just didn’t buy it.

Bella moves to Forks, Wa. to live with her Father. Her Mother has remarried and wants to go gallivanting all over the country with her new husband instead of raising her child. You immediately get the sense that Bella never puts herself first. This doesn’t seem like a sacrifice of love to me, she just never thinks much of herself to ever put herself first. She’s clumsy but intelligent; she’s also very pale and very private, she does not speak much and she stays inside of her head. Bella is also extremely perceptive and takes in the little details that other people around her don’t see. I liked these things about her but I didn’t find myself ‘caring’ about her one way or the other because of one little vampire.

Edward Cullen.
Edward Cullen.
Edward Cullen.

( This is when things get good. )

Recommended.

Currently reading: New Moon - Stephenie Meyer

Up next: The Power of Simple Prayer - Joyce Meyer, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan - Lisa See, The Wonder Spot - Melissa Bank.